rsi

I have an RSI in my fucking right wrist and its not going away.

 

Fuck

a few days ago when I started to feel my wrists getting a little numb. Then the throbbing began. As a musician, I try not to ignore any signals that my body sends me relating to repetitive stress injury. So now I am taking a short break until the pain goes away. The time spent not writing being replaced by aimlessly surfing through clutter for future projects. And so now there is quite a compilation of things that I want to do in the next few months. Just as soon as my wrists cooperate! While on clutter, I realised i left a few things unfinished.  Sometimes it's like looking through my old high school yearbook and wondering,"What was I thinking?"

Well, its no matter. I work this out.

 

In other news. Princess bitch arrived on facebook, and a torrent of supressed memories and anger came back.

What the fuck

What the fuck am i doing.

 

Gotta get a grip on reality.

dicks

Dicks.

Sleep.

Only recently i realised ive been suffering from sleep apnea.

I cant sleep normally. And for some reason, i tend to oversleep since im so comfortable. Which is a cause for concern since now my excessive sleeping pattern has made me tired, more sleepy and really cranky.

 

I get headaches and shit.

 

Anyway, in other news, things get awkward between me and a girl as i find her unappealing. judgemental and superficial yes. But ive had the same treatment as well.

Doesnt matter though, since i dont feel like looking for intimacy.

the point of the universe?

What i noticed is that when you lose your major goal, it shakes the very foundations of who you are. Your stability is lost, and you are unsettled like a broken gyroscope.

I’ve just experienced just that.

It seems to me that although there is no point to life. People are always going towards a direction. And that is the flow of life. As soon as you stop swimming upstream, you get dragged down by complacency.

My sense of direction is skewed. And i do not have an easy resolution to this conundrum. If there is no point to what i wanted to achieve. What do i focus on now? Where do i find my stability?

Do i find some sort of faux/proxy direction which i follow wholeheartedly until i ‘rediscover’ myself?

Maybe that is the means to an end. That we are all jumping from one goal to the next like frogs. Never content with the grand scheme. That there is no one big goal, but a series of goals we achieve over time.

And if that’s the case. I think i’m going to join a travelling circus.

i sight.

 

Im trying to grow my hair out and not shave for a couple of weeks to try and look like hei from Darker than black.

Its a weird thing to do. But i think all guys want to look like shit once in a while. Call it what you may, battle hardened, weathered, old, mature, manly.

Honestly if you’ve seen me for the last few days you’d think i was girly or something.

Talk about inappropiate.

 

Anyway, yeah, a self monitoring post today, i dont have anything interesting to write about at all.