Dammit, not the answer i was hoping to hear from myself.

 

I regret things in my past. Because i did things i cannot erase, forget, or be forgiven. Because it hurted people i treasured. Because i care. Because caring is a human trait. Because i am human, and i have weaknesses. Because i am weak. Because i am insecure, which means i try to make something with my identity. I am not happy with who i am right now. I can never be happy. Ok, well never is a strong word, but i think, if im not happy now then i never can be. Because im not truthful. I enjoy my misery.Because i am jealous of them. ‘They’ will not have names, nor will i name them. Because they have someone to love. Because i do not have someone to love. Because sometimes, i dont like sitting in lecture halls by myself, having lunches by myself, riding on the train by myself, having a life, generally by myself. Friends and family are a different matter. It just is, i cant explain it. Fine, the closest i have to a reason is because, for all my cynical views, my self concious ways, i still have hope i can find someone.

Hope, is such a weak force.

I am a person who hopes. It isnt a person who i should be, but who i am. Someone who lives a life of disappointments.