FUCK.

 

 

idontknow.

 

Just. Fuck.

Youre diall fucking dicks.

 

Im just pissed off again.

 

Its ironic that i filter down my posts to three different emotions.

 

I write to this when im pissed off or suicidal.

I write to my public blog when im pensive and philosophising.

I write to my facebook for entertainment.

 

But all in all. It takes effort to do so. Some part of me wants to reject this. And let my worlds collide.

 

I fucking failed my chem. It has me on edge.

I regret my uni degree choice it makies me stressed.

I have conflicting views of love. I dont know what the fuck im doing.

fucking fuck sakes.

 

Another breakdown after breakdown.

I have never felt so alone in the sense that i would sit here. And feel so fucking shit. Unable to talk to anyone.

I cant talk to anyone and i wont.

Im really concerned for my wellbeing. And i want to responsible and focused on working to be emotionally and mentally stable.

All i can do at this point is to deflect some of that frustration into writing and keep on living.

My purpose is to take over by storm.

I will take over the blogging world. I will invade and bot every mother fucking thing on the internet.

 

People will hear my name and think. “What a dick”

It was nice?

Again i realise what i have been trying to understand these last few years.

When i went out with kvjf this friday i realised how superficial i was. I am always wholeheartedly trying to find a girlfriend. Someone i can confide in or share some personal affections toward.

But that’s bullshit.

I don’t think relationships suit me. I really dislike going out of my way for someone else. My selfishness precedes me. And my apparent laziness.

I feel cheated today. As if i was meant to extrapolate some sort of wonderful experience and feel fine and dandy.

And the thing is. I don’t even see kvjf as some sort of potential girlfriend. But the thing is, this experience just reminds me of the responsibility that i cant handle.

I did though, have a nice moment with kvif. We were lying on the grass staring at the sky talking about things we did and stories we had.

Maybe im just moody. But now that ive realised that my goal [To become the best boyfriend i can be] isnt really needed if i dont desire a relationship. I just dont have any point to go to in life.

What do i do now? What do i care about?