Again i realise what i have been trying to understand these last few years.
When i went out with kvjf this friday i realised how superficial i was. I am always wholeheartedly trying to find a girlfriend. Someone i can confide in or share some personal affections toward.
But that’s bullshit.
I don’t think relationships suit me. I really dislike going out of my way for someone else. My selfishness precedes me. And my apparent laziness.
I feel cheated today. As if i was meant to extrapolate some sort of wonderful experience and feel fine and dandy.
And the thing is. I don’t even see kvjf as some sort of potential girlfriend. But the thing is, this experience just reminds me of the responsibility that i cant handle.
I did though, have a nice moment with kvif. We were lying on the grass staring at the sky talking about things we did and stories we had.
Maybe im just moody. But now that ive realised that my goal [To become the best boyfriend i can be] isnt really needed if i dont desire a relationship. I just dont have any point to go to in life.
What do i do now? What do i care about?
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